I wish Heaven had visiting hours..

If Heaven had visiting hours, how often would we be allowed to visit? Every week? Every year? How long would the line to get in be? There are so many people I'd love to see again, to hug and kiss; even if only for a second. If I could ask my Great Grandmother if she was proud of me and introduce her to my Husband and my son. Or see if my Uncle was still the life of the party. Or meet my Husband's Grandmother, who he always speaks so fondly of. Or meet the baby I never got a chance to hold.

I recently read a post on one of the blogs I follow that made me ponder this. She talks about how she wishes her life was normal again. And I completely get it. I wish I could hear about new pregnancies and births or pass the baby section at Target without a second thought.  I don't like to write posts that make me seem ungrateful because I know how blessed we are. Everyday I think about where we are in our lives and I, myself, don't even know how we do it. But now I just want to get back to normal.

Something that is helping me to move on after miscarriage is recognizing that it's okay to be sad and to cry. There were so many emotions that I went through during that confusing period and sad was definitely one of them. I tried holding it in and telling myself that everything was okay. But lying, even to yourself, will never help you heal. When I stopped blaming myself and really came to terms with my emotions is when I can say I began to feel better. Its okay to feel sad, left out, abandoned, confused, angry, or whatever; as long as you do not dwell in that emotion. And with God's help, you won't. The last thing I wanted to hear was what I heard the most: "God never puts more on you than you can bare" or "God does everything for a reason." But, with every sunrise is a new day to start fresh. And the same things I didn't really want to hear at the time, ring in my ears on days that aren't the brightest for me. And although those are kind of cliché, they do offer me comfort.

Just some thoughts that were on my mind today.

xo, Londyn.